Stepping Heavenward


My Testimony

My testimony of how I became a Christian isn't as thrilling and dramatic as some I have heard, and from my perspective it isn't all that exciting, but I'm including it here thinking that maybe there's somebody out there who can relate to it, or find encouragement from it! After all, I guess all testemonies are exciting...because it shows God's work in our lives :)
I have grown up since "Day One" knowing about God, going to Sunday school and church, hearing Bible stories, and praying. My parents were Christians and we always had high standards in our house.

When I was about seven years old I started asking my parents about becoming a Christian. I remember sitting on the couch with them one night while they asked me questions about God and made sure I understood what they were talking about. We then prayed and I started crying because I felt so happy. When I went up to bed my little sister asked me what was wrong and I told her that I had asked Jesus into my life and I wasn't crying because I was sad, but because I felt so good!

The years passed and major changes took place in our family. One of these major things was our family moving from Australia to Ireland, where we felt God was calling us. I was now a young teenager and although I still went to church with my family all the time and basically all my friends where Christians, I knew that I wasn't right with God. The commitment I had made all those years ago was only a child's commitment, and since then things had changed...I had grown up. I now understood and saw the meaning of Salvation through mature eyes and I knew in my heart that I wasn't living as a Christian.

Yet I didn't make a move.

God was convicting me and I knew He was calling me...but I was too stubborn to ask Him into my life and save me. I was miserable inside, tired of feeling rotten, scared about dying...yet I stood my ground and refused to budge.
I knew my friends were praying for me, and that my sister and other girls talked about me, yet inwardly I would be yelling, "Girls! Give it a break! You're going to have to wait a loooong time for me!"

Whenever my Mum tried to talk to me about it I would shrug her off or bottle up and refuse to talk about it. At church whenever there was a salvation message and I would sit there in my seat, stiff as a board, thinking that surely everybody was looking at me. During the prayer at the end of the service the minister would sometimes ask if there was anybody who wanted to become a Christian. It was then that I would grab the sides of my jacket tightly because of the insane fear that my hand would fly up and notify the preacher without me wanting it to!

Looking back it's ridiculous, and I just have to laugh, but at the time the battle was very real. I was so scared and miserable.
Why didn't I just give in?

As I sit here today, thinking about it, the answer is: I'm really not sure. Maybe I hated the idea of people fussing and gushing over me after becoming a Christian. I knew people wanted me to become a Christian so badly, and I knew I couldn't stand the flurry that would come from it.

Maybe it was because I was just too stubborn. I wasn't a bad person, I had lived a pretty sheltered life in that I had never got messed up in bad places and with bad people, but I was just too obstinate to give in.
But the main reason for not giving my life to God was because of the fact that the devil didn't want me to. Ephesians 6:12 says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers... My battle wasn't a physical battle, it was a spiritual battle.

But one night it all got too much for me. I no longer wanted to fight and struggle against what I knew was good and right. I gave in to God and allowed Him to give me the peace I badly needed. I was fifteen when I became a Christian, and yes, there were lots of hugs, a lot of letters and special notes and words of joy, but it didn't matter. I knew that if I were to die that night, it wouldn't matter anymore. I was at peace with God and I was worthy now, in His eyes, to be His daughter!
Over four years have passed since becoming a Christian and it hasn't always been easy. Just because I became a Christian it didn't mean I had suddenly be given a gift certificate saying: "Entitles bearer to pass through life on a bed of roses". I have had my roses, but the thorns have come with them. Life hasn't been easy and many times it hasn't been fun. I get hurt, I fall, I mess up, but....God's grace is sufficient and it will be so worth it all when, one day, I look back at the past and then look forward and see Jesus for the first time in my life!